


Stupid

by Apetslife



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apetslife/pseuds/Apetslife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin thought Joey was pretty stupid, right away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid

He thought Joey was kind of stupid, right away.

The first time they met, backstage in a crowd on the set of MMC, Joey rubbed his head and grinned and said "oh, he's the cutest little pup, Jayce," and Justin hated him immediately. This tall dork with a really big nose was clearly no one important, and what made it even worse was that JC grinned and agreed and dragged him off somewhere, without even noticing Justin's scowl. They thought they were so cool because they were old enough to drive. Justin would bet anything that Joey would never make it in show business. Too big, too ugly, too dumb. He stomped off to meet his mom in the dressing room, and made it a point to be somewhere else when Joey visited JC on set after that.

The second time was at Pleasure Island, and it was a long time later. He'd actually forgotten that Joey even existed, though JC hadn't shut up about him for the remaining time on the Mouse Club. Once JC'd gone away, they'd kind of lost touch, and ever since he'd come back, they mostly talked about the band. Justin thought the band was a really cool idea. Chris was this amazing guy who could drink and dance and sing higher than anyone Justin had ever heard, and JC was always great, of course, and he had no doubts about how he would do. He just knew they were going to be something special.

Chris had a beer and was talking to some girl, JC was dancing in his seat, and Justin was just looking around, taking it all in. He could almost feel JC snap to attention next to him, though, and the next second he was just gone. Justin shrugged. For all his seriousness, JC was sometimes kind of easily distracted. Justin watched the dancers on the floor with narrowed eyes, wanting to pick up some new moves, so he almost missed it when JC reappeared at the table, dragging someone behind him.

"Chris! Justin! Hey!" JC sounded really excited. Justin looked over, and almost groaned. Chris smiled and held out his hand to the tall guy. Joey. Justin hoped he wouldn't stay long.

"Joe, this is Chris, man. And you remember Justin." Justin nodded coolly at the big smile sent his way. "Chris, man, you gotta hear him sing! This is amazing! He'll be perfect! Wait, Joey, you still can sing, right?" JC was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet, long hair flopping into his eyes, hands moving wildly in his excitement.

"Whoa, Jayce, settle." Joey was laughing, and put a big hand on the small of JC's back, and JC stilled instantly. "Nice to meet you, Chris. Couldn't hear much out there, but JC says you're getting some guys together to sing?"

Chris nodded, a little more reserved now, and Justin knew what he was seeing. Tall, dark and badly dressed. That shirt was just a crime against humanity. Justin tugged at his own jersey a little, reassured that it was snug enough to look good. Joey looked like a guido, bigtime, and not even a hot one.

"Yeah, man. We're gonna do some a cappella stuff, some pop dance stuff. You got singing experience?"

"Oh, man." JC broke in. "Yeah! He used to work at Universal, right when you did! You didn't know each other? That's nuts. He's great! He was in that scary thing, what was it, Joe?" Justin snorted. He hadn't seen JC like this since...he couldn't remember ever seeing JC like this.

"Oh, yeah, hey, I think I remember seeing you around. What's going on?" Chris grinned, slapped his shoulder, and Justin did groan this time, though softly. Chris had always had a soft spot for people 'from the trenches,' as he referred to working for a theme park.

"Not much. Just kind of hanging around, workin', you know how it is." Joey looked like he wasn't sure what to say. "So, you're making a group?"

"Yeah, man, he said that!" Justin couldn't help breaking in, and caught Chris's reproving look, and subsided back into his seat.

"Don't mind the baby," Chris laughed. "He's out past his bedtime." Joey chuckled, and sat down, and they were all buddy-buddy in minutes.

Justin really hated that guy.

***

Seeing the guys every day, working so hard, Justin didn't really have the energy to keep hating Joey, especially when Joey didn't seem to notice or particularly care that he did. Even when Justin insisted that he audition for the group, over JC's protestations, Joey just chuckled and sang "The Star Spangled Banner" so well that even Justin had to admit he was good. They really didn't need another tenor, though, as he told Chris when they were alone.

"He's a low tenor, he's got a better range than even JC, so get OVER it, Justin, JESUS!" Chris scowled at him, and that had been the end of that. Justin kept his sulks to himself. JC wouldn't listen to him, Lance thought Joey walked on water just because he was nice to him all the time, and Chris was pretty much just focused on what would be good for the group.

And Justin had to admit that Joey could sing. And dance. And seemed to be pretty good on stage, once they started actually performing. Even when they were in a high school gym, Joey put himself out there. The fans sure seemed to appreciate it. Justin had had to hastily excuse himself from the locker room after shows more than once when he'd walked in on Joey kissing some senior up against a locker or the wall. Disgusting. He told JC, who smiled at him and said it was something he'd understand when he was older.

Joey didn't know anything about anything interesting, either. He hated sports, which Justin just couldn't comprehend. He was even worse at basketball than Lance. The first time they all got together to watch the NBA finals, Joey sat still for about five minutes. Then he started poking Lance in the side to make him chuckle and blush, and pulling on Chris's hair, and bouncing up and down on Justin's couch. Justin finally snapped when Joey broke into song, some 50s thing he didn't even recognize.

"JOEY! Shut UP!" He was a little louder than he meant to be, but he saw JC jump and flinch, and felt kind of bad. Joey looked at him, startled, and then smiled gently.

"Sorry, Bounce. Is that Penny Harda-, um, Hardathon, on?"

"No." He glared at Joey. "And it's HARDAWAY. And I just wanna watch the game, ok?"

"You got it, kiddo." Joey got up and wandered into the kitchen, still humming. After a minute, JC got up and followed him, and soon Justin could hear them laughing together in the other room.

Maybe he didn't hate Joey any more, but he sure didn't like him much.

***

Europe changed a lot, for them. They were all living together all the time, which was new. They were so tired that there wasn't much opportunity to think of anything but performing and eating and sleeping.

Hotels were a new thing. They'd mostly been in Orlando before, and Justin was used to coming home after shows, sleeping in his own bed, seeing his family. The first one in Germany was a terrible little place, cold and damp and old, and Justin had to share a room with his mom and Lance. That really didn't seem fair to him, since he thought Chris and JC and Joey were probably having a lot more fun in their room. In fact, he was pretty sure of it, since Joey had picked up JC, slung him over his shoulder complete with luggage, and hauled him through the door, singing "Party room, party room," while JC giggled his strange high laugh.

When he got a call to come over later, it was Chris, of course. Chris never treated him like he was a baby, even though he was always looking out for him and giving him kisses--boykisses, he assured Justin after the first one, when Justin was staring at him with eyes gone big, very different from girlkisses and just fine between friends--and making sure he was ok. He assured his mom he'd be right back, checked on Lance, who was sleeping, and ran over, wondering what he'd find. Maybe there would be girls there. Or beer, at least.

There was beer, but not very much of it, and JC, Chris and Joey were all huddled together on one bed, since it looked like their window didn't close all the way. It was cold in there, there was actual wind blowing the curtains all around. He stood in the doorway, staring at them. This was the party room?

"C'mon, Justin." Chris tugged an arm out from under the bedspread, and gestured him over. "We found a movie subtitled in English. Very cool, man."

"Is there space?" He fidgeted a little. "What movie?"

"I don't even know. Get your warm ass over here, though. I need more body heat, that fucker Jayce is hogging all the Joey." Chris was grinning at him. JC was barely visible under the blankets and all curled up on top of Joey, and Justin could see the short, clean fluff of his hair moving with the shivers. Even his eyes looked cold. Justin crawled over them to get to Chris, hearing an "oof" from Joey when his knee hit something soft, and then he was in and under the covers and it was warmer in there.

The movie was John Wayne, something really old, and dubbed into German by someone who must not have ever heard the English version of the Duke's voice; it was all high and squeaky. Chris was watching really intently, though, and repeating some of the German to himself once he figured out what it meant, not really paying attention to Justin, even though he had an arm around his waist. After a little while, though, Justin realized he could hear JC, too. He was whispering in English. Reading the subtitles out loud. And Joey was listening, head tilted down, ear close to his mouth while he stared at the screen.

"Whatcha doing? Jayce?" He poked at the part of JC he could reach, past Joey's arms. JC jumped a little, glanced sideways at Joey. Was Joey blushing? Joey?

"Joey forgot his glasses, Just. I'm helping out with the subtitles is all."

"HAH!" Chris crowed from the other side of him. "You gotta learn the German, man! It's the only way to go. The little frauleins will love you if you do!"

"The fraulines gonna love me anyway, limpdick." But Joey sounded relieved. Why? Justin was feeling stubborn.

"I thought you were wearing your contacts, Joey. Aren't you wearing your contacts?" He peered closer, finding the telltale ring around brown irises. Joey blinked and looked away, chewing on his lip.

"It's the cold. They get fogged up in the cold. I can't see so good."

"Contacts? Contacts don't get foggy. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Justin, drop it." JC sounded uncharacteristically firm, and Justin subsided back into Chris, who was muttering in German again, conversation already forgotten. But JC didn't read any more, and Joey squinted at the screen for a little while, then seemed to sigh, and let his eyes fall shut, just listening.

Justin was pretty sure Joey was farsighted, anyway. Completely sure. He wasn't the stupid one, after all. So, what the fuck?

***

He couldn't even bring himself to dislike Joey any more, because how could you really dislike anyone so dumb? Chris was smart and sharp and clever, JC was at least knowledgeable about music, Lance was doggedly determined and thought carefully before he spoke, and Justin knew that he himself was a pretty smooth talker. But Joey? After the first few interviews they did in Germany, once the shows started getting bigger and bigger, he waited for Joey to open his mouth with an internal cringe. He just...didn't he get it, what they were doing? How important it was? So why did he keep making fart jokes, and screwing around, and getting all the answers wrong? Sometimes even JC looked pained when Joey said something really spectacularly bad. He never even seemed to look at the scripted answers for the questions they were given; he seemed more than happy to make his replies up on the spot. And he was the worst ad-libber Justin had ever seen. He mumbled and stuttered and made up the worst stories.

Chris was great about it, though. He always took Joey's flubs one step further, turning them into jokes, pushing them to the limit until they were all laughing and looked like funny guys, instead of idiots. Justin was eternally grateful to Chris. He couldn't help being stiff and uncomfortable with Joey, after interviews, because he'd get so mad, and he couldn't say anything, not without getting into big trouble with JC and Lance. He didn't get that. Lance blushed hard whenever Joey even mentioned legs, much less the infamous got-my-dick-stuck-in-my-zipper story. Even that, Joey fucked up, saying that he got his zipper stuck in his dick, which made no sense, and wasn't funny. But Lance got all mean and bitchy when Justin made fun of Joey, and JC just went quiet and disappointed, and Justin couldn't take that. So he simmered in silence, until Chris tackled him to the floor or his mom bought him ice cream or a girl asked for his autograph with tears in her eyes, and then everything was better, and he'd forget. Until next time.

***

JC sat down with him at the tiny table on the bus, pushing at his legs until Justin huffed and shifted so there was space for both of them. He couldn't help it that he was growing so fast. JC had his big brother face on, though, and Justin really just wanted to play his video game and eat his hamburger and nottalk to JC and-

"Hey, Justin."

Justin grunted, and fired more missiles at the alien spacecraft. Couldn't JC see he was very busy here?

"Justin, come on, man. I wanna talk to you."

"JC..." he sighed, and put down the video game. Turned to JC and crossed his arms over his chest, wondering what he'd done wrong this time.

"Don't give me that look, Justin Timberlake." JC shook his head, smiled at him. "You're not in trouble. I just wanna talk to you about Joey."

Justin felt a stab of apprehension. What? He'd been nice to Joey, hadn't said anything to him, and it had been months now and they were almost going home...

"What is your deal with him, Justin?"

"Did he ask you to talk to me?" Justin didn't like the defensive tone in his own voice, but he thought it would be just like Joey to send JC to do his dirty work.

JC looked surprised. "No, man. Joey's not like that. I don't even think he's upset, or whatever. It's just. You're kind of. Justin, we all live together, and we gotta get along. If you have some problem with him, you gotta talk to him about it. I think he's confused more than anything. We all are. What did he do to make you hate him?"

"I don't hate him!" An automatic defense, but true, as far as it went. "I don't, JC, honest."

JC rubbed a quick hand down his arm, comfortingly. "So why are you so...you know. With him. All the time?"

"So like what? I'm FINE with Joey." He could feel stubbornness settling onto his face. "I got no problems with him."

"Justin, I've known you for too long for that to work. Come on. Just between you and me, I won't tell anyone, I swear."

Something snapped.

"Why is he so...JC, he's a nice guy, he's really sweet, I know, and I like him fine, it's just he's so STUPID all the time!" Justin fisted hands in his hair. "It drives me crazy, like, why is he so dumb? With the stupid stories and he doesn't know shit about shit and ok, I know I sound like the asshole here, but I just. I don't like hanging out with morons." And he regretted that last the moment it left his mouth, but JC was looking more startled than anything, and didn't seem mad.

"You think Joey's. Huh. You really think he's stupid?"

"YES, JC, where have you BEEN?"

"Justin..." JC trailed off, shaking his head, seemingly genuinely puzzled. "Joey's not stupid."

"Oh, come on, JC. I know y'all have been friends forever, but even you have to admit that he's the biggest idiot...I mean, the stuff he says? Do you listen to him? Have you ever seen him read a book?"

"Sure, but that's just Joey being Joey. He's goofy sometimes, and doesn't, you know, care about appearances much, but." JC shook his head again, and looked at Justin kindly. "He's just about the smartest one of all of us, when it comes to the stuff that matters. And there's a lot of important things you can't learn in books." He stood up, and ruffled Justin's hair. "Try spending some time with him, without being all pissy. I'll bet you'll see what I mean." He wandered off to the kitchen, pausing just long enough to send Justin a meaningful look over his shoulder. "And you be nicer to him, Justin, because he's a good guy and he doesn't deserve this."

Justin dropped his face into his hands. God.

***

He watched Joey a lot more closely, after that. JC was smart, he knew that, and if JC thought Joey was smart, maybe Justin was missing something.

For a while, nothing really stood out to him. Joey still fucked up interviews, still laid annoyingly lame lines on the girls he picked up, still goofed around like the world's biggest dork all the time. When they got back to the states it was even worse; maybe Joey felt more comfortable there or something. What made it worse is that Joey could always tell when he was annoyed, and would smile at him tolerantly, and give him space. It was like he didn't even care.

Then Lance got sick.

Lance had always been sort of the quiet steady one. He never flipped out into hysterics like Chris, or got tense and stressed like JC, or moody like Justin knew he could be. He was just...Lance, always smiling, good to hug, calm. They started working even harder, though, once they were home, four concerts a week, sometimes more. Justin was ok, he was strong, but he could see Lance getting thinner and thinner and quieter and quieter, and he felt helpless. He tried joking with him, teasing him, bringing him his favorite foods. Even made a--gross--peanut butter and banana sandwich for him once, only to be waved away with a wan smile. Lance mostly just sat, silent, at the window on the bus, dozing off occasionally only to wake with a jerk and a shudder. Stumbling off at the venues, back on after the shows, barely speaking a word.

Joey was the only one who seemed to be able to help. He'd wander out of his bunk, rumpled and yawning, and drape himself around Lance right away, like he had some kind of comfort-radar. Lance would tip his head back onto Joey's shoulder and sigh, and relax, and even laugh when Joey whispered in his ear. Joey coaxed him into eating, pizza, soup, whatever was on hand, once going so far as to play the airplane game with a spoon and some ice cream, the way Justin could remember his dad doing with Jonathan. Lance, for his part, seemed to cling to Joey like he was a lifeline, wrapping a hand in the hem of his shirt and holding on, leaning on Joey whenever they paused long enough for breath. He literally climbed into Joey's lap every time he could manage it, and promptly fell asleep, and even Chris would be quiet and careful, and JC would pass by and smile and stroke Joey's hair. Joey looked pretty comfortable, actually. Sturdy and strong, getting bigger every day, solid. And he was so sweet with Lance that it made Justin's eyes sting and ache.

But just because Joey knew how to take care of sick people, that didn't make him smart, did it?

***

They were big enough now that even Justin could relax a little about their public appearances, even JC stopped worrying so much, and Joey was a walking bundle of smiles and joy. Justin found himself smiling back, more and more. Now that he was old enough, or famous enough, to go out to clubs with the guys, it was a lot easier to hang out with Joey. Joey still picked him up and tossed him around and teased him, but now it felt more like...friends, and less like Joey was picking on him for being too young.

They were all still on the same bus, jammed tight into a tiny space, and Justin was glad he liked Joey now. It really did make things easier, when he didn't have to think about what Joey's sleep schedule and Playstation times were, when he didn't have to keep from rolling his eyes every time Joey said something. He still thought Joey was stupid, but he was really nice enough so it didn't make much of a difference, and it didn't seem to be hurting the group at all. In fact, Joey seemed to charm most of their interviewers witless, and they actually laughed at the dumb things he said. Justin still didn't get that at all, but he was willing to be generous enough to overlook it.

Long bus rides were hell, he decided one night as he laid awake, staring at the roof of his bunk and listening to Chris snore. He'd already jerked off twice, fast, because Lance started shouting at him to shut UP already in the middle of the second one--Lance wasn't as shy anymore, really--and he couldn't sleep.

He finally gave up, shoved the curtain aside, and hauled himself to his feet, staggering out into the lounge. It was late late, early even, and he was surprised to see lights still on. Sometimes one or more of the guys would fall asleep out there, usually JC, but mostly they managed to turn the lights off. Justin hoped he wasn't watching tv.

Joey was still awake, though, curled over something on his lap. Justin could hear JC moving around in the kitchenette, making tea, maybe. Curious, he stepped a little closer.

Joey was reading. A small paperback book, and not having an easy time of it, it looked like. His lips were shaping the words, his brows drawn down in concentration, and one big finger was slowly lining the page, mapping his progress. Justin almost snorted; his brother read faster than that, and he was only a baby. He opened his mouth to suggest a video game--Joey didn't look like he was having much fun--but then JC's voice came drifting through, and he was so surprised he took a step back into the hallway to listen.

"How's it coming, Joe?"

Joey glanced back over his shoulder, and smiled, almost proudly.

"Two more pages!"

"Joey, that's amazing!" Only JC could put that much happiness into so few words, and Justin almost smiled.

"It's killin' my head, though, Jayce." Joey rubbed at his forehead tiredly.

JC came through the door, two steaming mugs in his hand.

"Here. This'll help." He handed one to Joey, sat by him on the couch, and blew gently at his own mug. "Careful, it's hot."

"Thanks."

They sipped quietly for a minute, and Justin tried to decide whether or not to go back to bed. Joey's voice was quiet when he spoke again.

"I'm still getting the words backwards, though."

JC tipped his head onto Joey's shoulder.

"It's getting better, though, right? Easier, with the tricks we found?"

"Yeah." Joey sighed, and rubbed his head again.

"Here." JC sat up straight again, and reached for the book. "You like it, right? It's good?"

"Oh yeah." Joey grinned at him. "It's the best one yet!"

"See? I told you." JC set down his mug, settled back into the couch, and started to read, on Joey's open page, in his odd, musical voice. Justin started, realizing he knew this book. Kind of. He searched his memory, it was so familiar...then JC said a name, and he knew. It was "Prince Caspian." He'd read the Narnia books when he was ten.

Joey smiled happily, and kind of tumbled sideways until he was lying across JC's lap, JC lifing the book until he was settled, then resting it back down on Joey's shoulder. One hand held the book, the other combed idly through Joey's crazyred hair, twisting it around his fingers until Joey's eyes closed in contentment.

Justin tiptoed back to his bunk, still hearing JC's voice lightly rising for the female voices and dropping to inaudibility for the male, still seeing Joey's wide white smile behind his eyes, and crawled back in, and laid awake for a long time.

***

After the lawsuit, Justin was almost willing to declare Joey some kind of idiot savant. He knew, better than anyone, that they wouldn't have survived without him. He'd kept Chris out of jail, picking him up and hauling him bodily out of the room when Chris'd come up swinging at Lou, in one of the early meetings. He'd gone from house to house, every day that they were in town, making sure that JC was eating, that Lance was sleeping, that Justin wasn't pacing holes in his carpet. He'd stepped in when Justin had broken down into screaming and tears, asking his mother why she hadn't read the contracts more carefully before signing them; first patting Lynn comfortingly on the shoulder, then dragging Justin out to the back yard and playing ball with him until Justin was laughing too hard at his antics to cry any more. And when it was over, he was there to hold them all together as they tried to start all over again.

So it came as a bit of a shock when, the second night of the NSA tour, he saw a guy come out of Joey's room in the morning. At first he thought it was a girl with really short hair; he was just back from escorting his own lady to security, and the lights in the hallway were nighttime dim, and from behind it really did kind of look like a girl. Justin was about to just slide on by, since it looked like Joey was pretty involved in that goodbye kiss and he hated to interrupt, but then Joey chuckled, smacked a leather-clad ass, and spun his date to face the hallway.

Justin almost swallowed his tongue. He'd never seen a girl with a goatee before, which meant, holy shit, holy SHIT, and Joey noticed him standing there, and his eyes went wide, and he bent and whispered something to his...guy. Who nodded, gave him a smacking kiss, and slid warily by Justin towards the elevators. He didn't have anything to worry about. Justin couldn't move.

"Jup..." Joey's voice was surprisingly steady, considering that Justin could see his hands shaking.

Justin shook his head hard, trying to settle his thoughts back into any kind of shape that made sense.

"Justin, hey. Um." Joey was shifting from foot to foot, standing in his doorway, wearing nothing but Superman boxers. Justin stared at the little yellow S's. Superman. Right.

"Just. Say something, huh? Um. I'm not gonna say that's not what it looks like, because that's just dum-"

"DUMB." Justin hissed, before he even knew he was going to say it. "Fucking STUPID, Joey, you stupid fucking ASSHOLE, you PRICK, you FUCK," and he was shoving at Joey, catching him off balance and by surprise so that he stumbled back into his room, flailing his arms to stay on his feet. "He's gonna TELL, Joey, and then what? THEN WHAT?" Justin was screaming and he didn't care, so angry he could barely see Joey's shock. "It's fucking OVER that's what, you think we're gonna be big, you think it's gonna just be COOL that you're fucking GUYS and you're in N Sync?" He shoved at Joey again, this time meeting with more resistance. "You. STUPID. FUCK!"

He spun, and slammed out of the room, and ran back to his own, threw himself across the bed and sobbed. Stupid. Fucking. Joey.

***

Chris was sitting by his bed when he woke up, still sideways on the bed, head aching and eyes burning. He didn't want to talk to Chris, and he rolled off the bed and headed straight for the bathroom, hoping Chris would get the hint. His eyes were red and swollen in the morning light, face creased from the bedspread. He looked away from his reflection.

Chris had never been great at picking up on hints, and was still sitting when Justin re-emerged, after washing his face.

"I don't want to talk about it." The best defense was a good offense.

"Tough shit." Chris sounded...very angry. Justin threw himself into a chair and stared at him challengingly.

"Fine. Talk. But don't expect me to agree with you."

"Shut the fuck up for five seconds, Justin, and listen, would you?" Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "For one thing, don't you EVER go screaming our personal shit all over the hotel like that, you moron. They heard you in Canada, I bet." He paused to think, didn't notice that Justin had flushed red. "OK, main points. One, it's none of your business who Joey fucks, who I fuck, who JC fucks, or Lance. None. Joe can go out and screw the entire US Navy and you will just smile and nod, you got that?" He held up a hand, cutting off Justin's protest. "No, you listen. The band's great, it's my life too, but we gotta be who we are, or it just ain't worth it. You never really got that, an' it's time you learned." Justin subsided, sulking.

"Second, and I didn't even want to tell you this, because it makes it seem like you had a valid point, Joe knows that guy, it wasn't just some random score. He loves this band too, you know, and you should KNOW he'd never put our shit in jeopardy like that. And you would know, if you knew Joey at all." He sighed. Justin sank deeper in his chair, beginning to feel the first stirrings of remorse. And shame, oh, yeah, that felt great. He bit his lip.

"Third, and most importantly, you will apologize to Joey, because you were way, WAY out of line, and I think you know that. You get on your knees to that boy if you have to, but you make this right." Chris glared at him. "I mean it."

Justin waited, but there didn't seem to be any more coming. He picked at the hem of his boxers with nervous fingers.

"Where...where is he?"

"In with JC, where he's been all night since you left." Chris's face was still hard. Justin nodded.

"Does he hate me, do you think?" His voice sounded small.

"No, that's not Joey. We're his family, though, you prick, and you broke his fucking heart." Chris stood, smacked him hard upside the head, and walked for the door. Justin let him go without another word, then crawled into the shower, trying to craft his apology.

JC hesistated when he saw Justin at the door to his room, then poked gently at Joey's shoulder to wake him up. Justin looked everywhere but at them, but he heard JC murmur his name, heard Joey reply questioningly, and JC reassure him. JC stood, and passed him without saying a thing.

"Joey." He couldn't think of what he'd planned to say, not at all. Joey was sitting up in bed, hair in wild spikes, eyes bloodshot and heavy. He looked like shit, and Justin felt another pang.

"Joe, man, I'm sorry." Maybe simple was best. "I'm so, so sorry, I just freaked, you know, and. I'm sorry." He shoved his hands further into his pockets, risked a glance at Joey, who was frowning down at his lap, a little.

"Not really the way I'd planned to let you guys know, Justin." That normally smooth voice was harsh and scratchy, and Justin winced, and dared to move a little further into the room.

"I know. I'm so sorry. I just. It wasn't what I was expecting, you know, and YOU, man, you're like the biggest, I don't know, you've done more chicks than I'll ever MEET, and." Justin shrugged a little, helplessly. "I just wasn't expecting it, I guess."

Joey snorted, finally looked up at him. "Yeah, neither were the rest of the guys. Or me, for that matter. Whatever, man. I understand." He still wasn't smiling, though. Justin stepped closer.

"I really am sorry, Joey. Seriously."

Joey surged out of the bed, suddenly, and grabbed at his shirt, pulling it over his head while Justin watched warily.

"Man...ok. OK. I know you got, like, no respect for me or whatever, and that's cool, but you really think I'd fuck up that bad? End it all for us?"

Justin's eyes widened in shock. "Joe, no..."

"Fuck it, you know? That just pisses me off."

"Respect? What the fu-. Joey, dude, no. Man, I got tons of respect for you." Somewhere inside, Justin flinched a little, but his voice and eyes stayed steady. "I was just. You know, shocked. Seriously surprised, yo. I wasn't thinking right."

Joey looked at him steadily for a long moment, then finally nodded. Rubbed at his eyes and rolled his shoulders, stretching, and sighed.

"You think they told Lance?"

Justin shrugged, finally relaxing a little. "Probably."

"Well, that should be an interesting conversation."

"I think he'll be cool."

"Hope so. I think I've had about as much dramatics today as I can handle." But he was chuckling a little, finally smiling that Joey smile, and Justin found himself smiling back.

"If not, man, I got your back. And I KNOW C and Chris do. It'll be fine."

Joey nodded, squared his shoulders, and walked out into the hallway. Justin found himself staring at the little yellow S's again.

Superman. Right.

***

It was one thing for him to look down on Joey, it was something else to realize that Joey knew he was doing it. He made it a special point to spend a lot of time with Joey over the next months, determined to see whatever it was that had the other guys all worshipping at his feet. Lance hadn't even batted a long Baptist eyelash, had just hugged Joey tight and laughed when all the breath was squeezed out of him.

Joey was big. Strong. A little fat, but he carried it well. A great dancer. He listened better than anyone Justin had ever met, even though he always seemed to be talking. He was funny without meaning to be, but always laughed at the joke when he got it. He didn't know anything about sports, true, but he could nail any movie quote within a few words, and could swear in Italian, and sang showtunes in the shower, which made Justin smile.

He gave the world's best hugs.

Justin had never really been as touchy-feely as the rest of the guys, though he'd naturally shared space with them over so many years, and they were all close. He'd never taken advantage of Joey, the way the others had. Now he could, and he wondered what he'd been thinking all that time. Joey was perfect to lean into, strong enough to hold him, soft enough to make the ideal cushion. Always accomodating, even seeming happy when any of them decided to make use of their personal Fatone pillow.

Justin found he was spending more and more time curled against Joey on the other bus, talking about anything and everything, listening to Joey talk back, relaxing under Joey's arm. Joey made it easy, and when he smiled, the whole world seemed brighter. Justin found himself telling every joke he knew, just to hear Joey's strangely high laugh.

He came back from the bathroom one time, to see that Lance had taken his spot, and felt his belly twist in an odd new way. He didn't like it at all, so he moved back to the bunks, hoping to take a nap. He was restless, though, and suddenly thought of something he really needed to tell Joey, and was back in the lounge, perched on the arm of the sofa by Joey's elbow, chattering away while Lance blinked sleepily at the television and Joey laughed up at him.

JC pulled him aside when they got to the venue that afternoon, one hand firm on his shoulder.

"Justin, there's a reason we call that one the two-man bus, you know."

Justin shrugged off his touch. "I know, man. I just...got caught up in a conversation, you know?"

"For two weeks?" JC looked at him pointedly.

"What is your deal, JC? Do you have a point here?" Justin looked ahead, to where Joey was running from Chris, who had a water gun, and itched to be off.

"I just..." JC sighed, and shook his head. "No, go, go. Never mind." He waved Justin away, and Justin broke for the arena, wanting to catch up.

***

He figured it out on stage three days later, when Joey looked over at him during "Bye Bye Bye" and smiled and Justin felt his heart lurch in his chest. He smiled back, even though his mouth was dry and his hands were trembling. This feeling...it was familiar, he realized. He just hadn't had a name for it, before now.

He was strangely calm in the dressing room, none of his usual post-show nerves as he watched Joey pick JC up and spin him in circles, planting a big wet kiss on his cheekbone. Chris was icing his knee, already wincing, and Lance was...Lance was putting a cool hand on his forehead, frowning down at him where he sat.

"Are you feeling ok, Justin? You're usually off the walls right now."

He smiled at Lance. "I'm fine."

And he was. He just wanted to get back to the hotel, tell Joey, get it out. There was a little ball of excitement in his stomach, but it was too special to show just everyone. He was saving it.

He showered and changed faster than he could ever remember, and bounced over to Joey's room, through the door, and came up short. JC was there, still in his show clothes, sprawled on the bed while Joey moved around the room, tossing clothes in the search for...something. Justin grinned at JC.

"C, hey, can I talk to Joe for a minute? Just a minute."

JC raised an eyebrow at him, shot a look at Joey, and stood.

"Sure, Jup. Make it quick though, we got an early call tomorrow, remember."

Justin nodded hard, and barely looked at JC as he left.

"Justin, hey." Joey finally found what he was looking for, a bottle of something. Looked like he hadn't showered yet either. Justin didn't care. The minute the door clicked shut behind JC, he flung himself at Joey, who caught him, laughing.

"Hey, hey, what's-"

His words were cut off as Justin grabbed his head and pulled him into a kiss. Oh...

Oh.

Sweet. More sweet, better, yes.

And then shock as he was shoved away, firmly.

"Justin! What the hell are you doing?" Joey was looking at him wide-eyed, lips still wet from his kiss, and Justin smiled. He'd managed to ruffle the ever-calm Joey.

"I figured it out." He kept smiling, wanting to touch again, but knowing that Joey needed to know why. "Oh, Joey, damn, it took me for-fucking-EVER, but I did, and it's perfect. Cuz, you know, you and me, you wouldn't need to worry about it getting out, and you're so amazing and stuff, and it'll be PERFECT."

Joey wasn't responding according to his expectations, though, which had vaguely included declarations of love and an invitation to bed. He was still just staring at Justin. Then he smiled, gently. Justin started to frown, getting a suddenly bad feeling about this.

"Justin, that is just about...damn, the sweetest thing I ever heard." He reached out and patted Justin's shoulder softly. "You're just...sweet. Man, I thought you knew, though."

"Knew what?" The bad feeling was getting worse.

"About me and JC. I mean, the guys know, Johnny and Wade know, I just figured," Joey shrugged, "we figured everyone knew."

Justin couldn't breathe right.

"You and...C?"

"Yeah." Joey smiled happily, that one that lit up the room. "That guy in Toronto, that was just a trial run. You know, to make sure I was really into it. Me an' C have been together ever since." He shook his head. "We weren't hiding it, Jup. Just kinda didn't tell anyone."

"You and C."

"Yeah." Joey frowned, suddenly. "You don't have a problem with that, right? I mean, probably not, huh, considering. Are you ok?"

Justin realized he was panting a little, probably from the pain in his stomach.

"No, fine." He smiled, weakly. "Just a little embarrassed, you know."

"Oh, hey, no." Joey pulled him into a big hug. "No, I'm flattered, really. Seriously. You're really cute, you know."

Justin pulled away, moved aimlessly towards the door. "I'm just gonna...go. Yeah. Man, if I see JC I'll send him in, ok?"

"You sure you're all right?" Justin thought that if Joey said one more thing in that concerned voice, he was going to scream, and he'd promised Chris, so...

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Seriously." He smiled again, did a little better, apparently, because Joey let him go.

JC passed him in the hallway with a smile, all lean and pretty and with eager steps, and he smiled back. Everything was fine, everything was normal, he wasn't thinking about how Joey was JC's Joey, now. Not Justin's Joey. Never Justin's Joey.

He didn't cry till he got to his room.

He had never felt so stupid in his entire life.

[end]


End file.
